Austin and Everything After

On my short walk to work this morning, I started to think of the time I've spent in Austin. The whole purpose of moving here was to try my hand at cinema, and maybe discover myself along the way. I never expected to be where I am today. It seems as though every passing day holds little surprises for me, surprises for which I am so grateful.  I've been in the same building as Stan Lee (yes! Stan Lee!), met some of my favorite filmmakers (Mike White who wrote School of Rock, and Robert Rodriguez, you know, Sin City, Planet Terror), met actors, filmmakers, musicians, artists, etc. These people all have regular full-time jobs (except the previous three listed above). But what sets them apart from your average joes is their passion. How lucky are we to able to pursue our dreams? We may never make it big, but we get to do what we love! My passion is cinema, and I have been able to produce some work that has won awards. If you told me when I was younger that I would be an award-win...

I lost a friend on Sunday. His name was Frank Padilla. I met him freshmen year in high school. That's over half my life ago. That makes this 2 friends in 2 months that have passed. My heart is not strong for this. But you keep going. Rest In Peace Frank. I'll always miss the laughter, the jokes, and the crazy insane thing you did (that only those who went to high school with you knew!) I love you. Jackie

Things that have happened in the last 24 hours: Work Sleep Eat Attended a networking mixer in Austin, TX, where a local filmmaker showcased his trailer of his yet-to-be-released first feature film Got invited to a Filmmakers conference at Southwestern University in Georgetown. The keynote speaker wrote "Machete" (Robert Rodriguez's cousin). You best believe I will go up to this person, hand him my card, and introduce myself! Was asked my a writer if she can send me her screenplay so I can give advice and input on said screenplay Invited to be a production assistant for a quick spec shoot this weekend. (2 hours, no biggie). Went to a local live music show, friends were on the bill. I saw some folks I hadn't seen in about 6 months, possibly more. Time is nothing. It felt good to be back. Booked a photographer for my head shots. Made up with a good friend. Its a long story. Sleep again. Talk about an eventful day. I hadn't been involved so muc...

Do you ever just think about someone and they automatically remind you of The Beatles? Mind Blown. Speaking of The Beatles, y'all already know they are my favorite band. Whenever my mind is troubled, the sweet sounds of my favorite music always has the ability to calm what ails me. Anyone who knows me knows I always speak of my favorite album, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I'm a huge fan of their later work (1967-1970). And the poppy tunes, simplistic yet meaningful lyrics "Love, love me do, you know I love you..." caught my attention in the first place. But now, now it's much more than that. It's everything. No matter the roller coaster of life, The Beatles' music provides a certain comfort I long for. It provides familiarity when my world gets turned upside down. I prefer to be in control of my life and my emotions. I almost never enter into a situation where I know I could get hurt, or it won't be favorable for me. That's no wa...

It's been a million and a half years since I've last written. I do that sometimes. I take a few steps back, reevaluate my life, and then step back into the spotlight. I am a frequent poster on Facebook and IG, so the world knows what my day-to-day life is like. My last blog was written sometime in April, which is very fitting. I began a lifestyle change around that time, too. I needed to change. I needed something, anything. As cliche as this sounds, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. My doctor put me on a gluten-free diet. I'm not celiac, but I have a gluten sensitivity. The first few weeks were difficult, but now, its part of my life. I changed the way I ate, started working out again, and I am so, so happy. If someone was to ask, "Jackie, are you happy?" "Why yes (insert friend name here), I am." Isn't that wonderful? Not just  to say you are happy, but actually mean it? So yes, I am happy. Cornelius (my cat) makes me happy. My ...

You are there, somewhere, in the farthest depths of my mind, like a distant memory, never forgotten but never really there. You don't know how you first gained this memory, where it started, or where you think it might be going. The only truth I know is when I think of this memory, it brings me a certain joy, a certain comfort, and a certain smile. This memory reminds me of everything right in this world, everything beautiful. This memory reminds me of the song you sing out loud when you think no one is listening, or when your favorite song comes on the radio at just the right moment. It reminds me to remember the simple things in life.  YOU remind me of the simple things in life. This memory speaks to me, as though the universe is begging me not to forget.

It's been a million years, forever and a day, since I have last written. I didn't have anything to write because life was good, not great, but good (I can settle for good). Day in, day out, the same routine. And if you know anything about me at all, you know I don't like boring routine. I try to live my life everyday as though its an adventure. I want to learn something new everyday. Which is why life was...good. I wasn't creating, I wasn't shooting. I wasn't using my imagination. There is nothing worse for a creative person. Its as though time begins to stand still. Nothing good happens, nothing bad happens. Nothing happens at all. When life becomes stagnant, something needs to change. Laurels are not a good place to rest. I wanted more. In the time span of a month, I feel as though I had nothing to report. Sure, I saw tons of movies, and I spent lots of time with my family and Cornelius. And I treasure these things beyond belief. But somewhere along the way....

When you see the world with a different set of eyes, you begin to think clearly for the very first time. Its as if something inside you awakens, and you wake from this dream you thought was never-ending. And in this New Reality, you begin to truly find yourself. I don't know what your epiphany could be, but I know what mine is.  Being something that is beyond your control is disheartening. But you must....must...find the good. Find the Silver Lining. As bad as a situation might be, there is hope. Hope is dangerous, I know, but sometimes Hope is all we really have. Hope that situations change, hope that this day will be better than the last, and hope that someday you'll wake up and see the world through a different set of eyes.  What kind of person do you want to be? Someone full of Hope? Of regret?  I want to be hopeful. I want to wake up and see the world with a different set of eyes. I want the Silver Linings Playbook. 

And so it starts. This past weekend, I volunteered for the Austin Half (and Full) Marathon. Inspired does not even begin to describe what I felt. I was at the Mile 11 Marker for the Half Marathon, and I cheered for every single person going through, for 4 hours straight. Watching the runners dig deep and push themselves inspired me to keep going. Saturday morning I went for a 2 mile hike. Before I started working out again, that 2 mile hike would hurt so bad the next day. Now, it feels like I could have doubled the distance. I did not feel winded, I felt fantastic. The runners made me want to join them so bad. The whole time I kept thinking "Why aren't I there?" Of course, my health isn't always a fair game, but I've noticed in the past month of watching what I'm eating combined with a fitness routine, I feel so much better. I still have days where everything hurts and my illness makes me angry, but those days are few and far between compared to what it used t...

This Friday evening I will be attending an event hosted by a local magazine. I've met the creator of said magazine and she is such a sweetheart. My good friend is also selling some of her beautiful homemade clothes at this event. Did I mention she is a seamstress? Throughout the month, I have/will have attended many live music shows in support of my musician friends. And I will have also booked a Mixer for the Austin Latino Film Association. I know these might seem like bragging points, but that's not the case at all. I just feel so lucky to even know these people. To be surrounded by such creative types...I can't even begin to explain it. I have no words. These folks, who live and thrive on using their colorful intelligence, who make the world a beautiful place just by artistically showing their feelings and emotions. If anyone knows me, you know I'm an emotional person. Always have been, always will be. Its through these emotions I've been able to communicate. W...

I don't know how to explain this, but I feel something has woken inside of me. I wish I had the words, who even knew  the words for this feeling.  It all started about a month ago. My workouts have been limited these past couple of years, all contingent to how I feel that particular morning when I wake to greet the day. I can never predict how I will feel, or how my body will react throughout the day. I just know that something, anything, needed to change. I wanted...needed...to feel alive again.  But old habits die very hard. I know the hardest part of any workout routine is getting started. And let me just say how hard it was, physically, to get started. Onward through the pain! What helped me the most are long term goals. If I start today , how will I feel/look 3 months from now? So I started the easy way, on the elliptical. I just had to get my body used to moving again. Fast forward 1 month, I'm running on the treadmill, trails, you name it. I started paying c...

I wonder which one of you guys reads this thing. The mystery behind it all is pretty exciting, to say the least. Anyhoo, that's not what this blog is about, not today. It's about this one article I read while I was feeling sick yesterday. This one man wrote a blog about losing weight. In this blog, he said there are 4 tips to help you lose weight, guaranteed! The first was a no brainer, no beer! I've cut back on my alcohol intake, so this was pretty easy. Second, portion control. This I've worked on as well, and I already know it anyway. Done and done. I'm halfway there! The third tip on losing weight will probably stay with me for a very long time.  Get your heart broken. He goes on to describe being in love with someone. And not the love where you love someone casually, the "forever" kind of love. The kind where you love someone on purpose. The person he loved left him for another man. Now, this truly hit home. I don't like to give details on my love...

So the Austin Latino Film Association is hosting a screening of sorts on Sunday. "We Are Austin"- a segment on Keye TV wants to cover us. I know this will be huge and amazing, but I don't want to be on camera. Dang it. I don't know what to do. Dang it Dang it Dang it. I hate this. I love being behind the scenes, but I get so camera shy whenever its my turn to be on camera. I need to practice. I think I'll ask my camera folks to shoot me, just so I can get used to the camera on me. You know, I intentionally pursue projects where the possibility of being in front of the camera is zero to impossible. As luck would have it, sometimes that isn't always the case. I swear, I don't know how I get myself into these situations. It just sort of...happens. Its weird though. I don't like attention, I feel uncomfortable when people stare. 99% of the time, its because of my eyes. But still, if I can go the rest of my life without so much as a second look, I think I...

If you have wings, why not fly?

Last week a friend took his life. Yesterday another friend passed due to complications of the same fucking illness. I was pretty devastated and in a dark place yesterday. But I'm finding silver linings all around me. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. I have the best support system a gal could ask for.  I won't write for awhile, I'm not in the right state of mind. Although I continue to post about not super important things (IG and FB), it's those not super important things that remind me to keep strong.  Alright I'm done. Y'all know where to find me. 

Oh my goodness. Oh wow. I don't mean to be writing another entry so soon. But I'm all rattled up and shaken. I just got word that this person, Jon Balmer, just committed suicide. This name might not be important to you, but it is to me. I had never met Jon in person, but we knew each other online. He was in the same support groups on FB as I am. He has the same illness I have. And he killed himself because of it. I feel numb. I don't know what to say or think. I feel awful. Maybe I could have spoken to him more, maybe brighten up his day? I don't know. I feel guilty. Fuck.

Oh my goodness, I am LOVING my new position so far! It was the cutest thing. This position opened up, and immediately the Vice President offered it to me. Even offered more money. "Because its you, and I don't want you to go anywhere else, I can offer X amount. And in 6 months, we can even do a raise." Well now, that made me feel all kinds of special! It was the same feeling when I get free concert tickets, when musican friends put my name at the door, or when I get free movie passes. Feels great, that's what that is. It's only my third offical day, but it feels like I'm going to love it. We'll see! Oh! And in other great news, guess who is meeting with the Austin Latino Film Association? Hooray! After a hiatus, holidays and health reasons, I'm back. Not fully yet, but its a start. We have a huge event coming up on Feb 1!! Tonight we meet to discuss details. I can't even begin to explain how it feels, to be able to come back to something you lo...

This weekend was filled with lovely live music, indie flicks centered around musicians, hearing Mouse, two of my closest friends' daughter, call me "Tia" for the first time, homemade gifts, and tons of cleaning. The weekend was just what I needed. This past week was very stressful, the most stressed I've been in quite some time, and it was distrusting my sleep, my thoughts, my eating...my everything. I was not centered. My mind was full of chaos, and it was so uncomfortable. I took another position at work, one I know I will love so much. I'm now the Marketing Specialist at work. I'm pretty happy about it because I get to be creative!!! And it's still a great schedule, no weekends! But...I'll be driving for Uber this week. Austin is expensive, and if I want to move on my own, I need to have a 2nd job. Oh! And Southy By is coming up, I'll get paid to meet strangers and drive them around Austin. Don't worry, I just bought some mace today, and I...

I'm sitting at Spiderhouse Ballroom, waiting for the show to start. Alone. I came to a show, alone. I had dinner last night, and went to a movie the other day. Again, alone. I'm not the type of person to feel lonely, just because I'm alone. I quite like my own company. If I ever feel the need for any type of companionship, i give a family member or a friend a buzz.  Don't get me wrong. I love human interaction! But I so enjoy the randomness of my life. No day is ever the same. To some folks, that might be frustrating. To me, well...it's bliss.  Jacks 

This weekend was spent with family, friends, Cornelius, live music, brainstorming for a new show, a good friend called me an "artist" and a "musician",  "Friends" on Netflix, good food, and hugs from my momma. If you're like me, you're one of those "...it's the little things that count..." type of person. I appreciate the little things, that's for sure. It doesn't take much to make me happy.  Give me family, friends, cats, music, movies, and cameras any day. Life really isn't all that complicated, nor does it have to be.  Jacks

Alrighty folks, I have a confession to make. I drank wine on New Year's Eve. There, I said it. I did it on purpose, too. I made the conscious decision to partake in New Year's festivities. After going 66 days without alcohol too! Do I feel bad about it? No.  The whole reason for my quitting drinking is because I was on a slippery slope. Getting drunk was too easy and too fun. I became an alcoholic. Good friends that know me very well say that I'm not. If I'm not, then I'm well on my way towards becoming one. I went 2 whole months, and then some, without alcohol passing my lips. And it felt great! But I drank some wine on New Years...not a lot, just enough.  The first sip of wine passed my lips and I immediately tasted the alcohol. I was worried that I would cave in completely, having missed the taste of alcohol so much. But to my amazement and surprise, it didn't taste like I remembered it. I drank a Moscato...something easy for me since its been so long....