Austin and Everything After

Holy Schnikes! Today is Day 66 with no alcohol. I still can't believe I've gone this far without it, I can go further! Today is New Year's Eve. I usually start this day---yes, this day--drinking. Then end up at a friend's party, drink till I can't drink anymore. Then spend the rest of tomorrow trying to get over a hangover. That's not how I want to start 2015. Quitting drinking is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I'm going to continue it! I'm breaking my New Year's Tradition by being sober at midnight. I'm actually excited to see how it'll all turn out. And oh my goodness, I'm not making any resolutions. There's no point! Just be a good person, do what you love, and you'll be happy. This is the same dogma we should all be following regardless of the New Year. Anyhoo, I'm looking forward to tonight. Who knows what shenanigans my sober self will encounter?

I'm not quite sure what it is, maybe the cold, gloomy weather is turning my usual sunny and oh so happy demeanor into someone who's heart is made of a lump of coal. Or maybe its the fact that I haven't been my creative self lately. Whatever the case may be, I've got a case of the doldrums. And its not a great place to be. I'm so used to being creative, I crave  creativity. I still have plenty of photos to edit, so there's that. But I need something more. Is it selfish to want more? That being said, and after a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I am responsible for my own happiness. No one else. And what exactly makes me happy? Videography, Photography, Exploring, Adventures, and people. So why not do something that combines all of it!! Partnering up with some friends, we are creating a low budget web series featuring everything and anything Austin. The segments will feature a local musician, venue...

This weekend was pretty darn relaxing. Just what I needed. Friday night I was in Belton, stayed in, watched a movie or two, then called it a night. Saturday morning I was working in Belton, but got back into ATX by 3:00pm. Saturday night, I visited my lovely friend Alex, and we binged watched "Seinfeld". Afterwards, I went to a small get together with some friends who I consider family. I got there late and everyone was already pretty drunk. It was hilarious! Still, I resisted peer pressure, and did not drink one sip of alcohol. Saying no has become so much easier! Sunday, I watched "Fury", then spent the evening chatting with a dear photographer friend of mine. We talked of photos, gigs, lenses. I don't know about y'all, but talking about cameras excites me so much! Just like talking about The Beatles, or cinema, or Star Wars! Anyhoo, this person is a very good friend of mine. Long story short, we dated a million years ago, but we are way better off as frie...

Alrighty. So most of you who know me personally know I never really air my dating life online. I still won't give any details about it. I strongly believe that's what friends are for. One thing that has me thinking, though, is the whole idea of relationships. I've been dating since around...lets just say high school. I'm 31 now, with a divorce under my belt. No children. I do have a cat, though. He counts as a child. Anyhoo, I suppose what has me thinking is the whole idea of being in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love being single. My freedom means the world to me. But once in awhile, I do meet someone that gives me butterflies. This rarely happens. Especially as I've gotten older. But I was recently "talking" to someone---(writer's note, everyone in the world knows what that phrase means..."talking"...I for one think its sort of funny. Trying to decide if its worth  it at all... Anyhoo, let's get back to that point I was ...

This blog entry is not an earth shattering epiphany, an enlightened quote, or a plea for reasoning. The only thing I can even think to write is to say...well..I'm  happy. There's nothing quite like that feeling of not being yourself. It's so easy to get lost in other people's lives, caught up in your own busy one. I have struggled to find a wonderful and beautiful balance this year. Oh 2014. What a year you were. You saw the best of me, the worst of me, and the "me" I've struggled to become. And the "me" I finally am.  That being said, I'm not making any New Year's Resolutions. I never keep them, and they never work out for me. If you would call my quitting drinking a New Year's Resolution...well, I've already got a leg up on the Resolutions. I started my quest to give up drinking on Oct 26th. Christmas is coming up, and it will be exactly 60 days since I've quit drinking. I grow more nervous as the day approaches. And that...

I'm nothing if not an honest person. To a fault, really. My honesty has hurt people and gotten me in trouble. I've even lost friendships over it. I sometimes struggle to find a filter. Should I soften the blow? Will they thank me later? One of the main reasons why I prefer to be honest with people is simply because of pain. I have been lied to. Everyone has. But the lies I have been told are far grander than the "Oh no, you look fine.." when I look like a hot mess. I'm talking about life-changing lies. And the hurt that comes with these lies is unimaginable. I'd rather have my feelings hurt for a brief moment than feel the sting of betrayal. With that said, I'd like to be a little more honest on why I quit drinking. Other than the obvious "I'm getting older and I hate hangovers...", drinking was becoming too easy. And too much fun. I wasn't doing what I wanted to anymore. I spent my days off recovering from having a great time the night...

I just found out someone I used to date a while back lied about the whole reason for ending the relationship. I'm all about moving forward and all. But dang if I'm not a little upset for being lied to. I get it, people break up. It happens. Life happens. But be honest. Don't hide behind good intentions. I'm a big girl, my heart has been through much worse. I just don't like being lied to. Nobody does.  Sorry y'all. I almost never put personal details like this for the world to see. I just don't understand people sometimes. I'm happy to report that feelings are not involved. It's the principle. Don't lie. That's all. 

Its been forever and a day since I have written. Life is busy, life is crazy, and life is....well, its life. Still, that's no excuse to not have my thoughts written down. That is, after all, the whole point of this blog. My online journal. A window to my thoughts, a front row view provided for the world to see. I'm not sure if anyone ever reads this. And that is quite alright with me. When I write words down, I'm able to get all the thoughts racing, fighting, swimming in my head into one platform. Then my mind is at ease. As of late, I have been doing a lot of contemplating. Where my life is going, what I want to do, etc. I don't think anyone ever really has the answer. Instead of trying to find a finite reason of my being,  I decided not to put much thought to it. At least, for now. Maybe the answer to life and all our beings really is just as Douglas Adams says in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. 42. An answer so simple. Its meaning is elementary. DON'T OVER...