Austin and Everything After

So the Austin Latino Film Association is hosting a screening of sorts on Sunday. "We Are Austin"- a segment on Keye TV wants to cover us. I know this will be huge and amazing, but I don't want to be on camera. Dang it. I don't know what to do. Dang it Dang it Dang it. I hate this. I love being behind the scenes, but I get so camera shy whenever its my turn to be on camera. I need to practice. I think I'll ask my camera folks to shoot me, just so I can get used to the camera on me. You know, I intentionally pursue projects where the possibility of being in front of the camera is zero to impossible. As luck would have it, sometimes that isn't always the case. I swear, I don't know how I get myself into these situations. It just sort of...happens. Its weird though. I don't like attention, I feel uncomfortable when people stare. 99% of the time, its because of my eyes. But still, if I can go the rest of my life without so much as a second look, I think I...

If you have wings, why not fly?

Last week a friend took his life. Yesterday another friend passed due to complications of the same fucking illness. I was pretty devastated and in a dark place yesterday. But I'm finding silver linings all around me. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. I have the best support system a gal could ask for.  I won't write for awhile, I'm not in the right state of mind. Although I continue to post about not super important things (IG and FB), it's those not super important things that remind me to keep strong.  Alright I'm done. Y'all know where to find me. 

Oh my goodness. Oh wow. I don't mean to be writing another entry so soon. But I'm all rattled up and shaken. I just got word that this person, Jon Balmer, just committed suicide. This name might not be important to you, but it is to me. I had never met Jon in person, but we knew each other online. He was in the same support groups on FB as I am. He has the same illness I have. And he killed himself because of it. I feel numb. I don't know what to say or think. I feel awful. Maybe I could have spoken to him more, maybe brighten up his day? I don't know. I feel guilty. Fuck.

Oh my goodness, I am LOVING my new position so far! It was the cutest thing. This position opened up, and immediately the Vice President offered it to me. Even offered more money. "Because its you, and I don't want you to go anywhere else, I can offer X amount. And in 6 months, we can even do a raise." Well now, that made me feel all kinds of special! It was the same feeling when I get free concert tickets, when musican friends put my name at the door, or when I get free movie passes. Feels great, that's what that is. It's only my third offical day, but it feels like I'm going to love it. We'll see! Oh! And in other great news, guess who is meeting with the Austin Latino Film Association? Hooray! After a hiatus, holidays and health reasons, I'm back. Not fully yet, but its a start. We have a huge event coming up on Feb 1!! Tonight we meet to discuss details. I can't even begin to explain how it feels, to be able to come back to something you lo...

This weekend was filled with lovely live music, indie flicks centered around musicians, hearing Mouse, two of my closest friends' daughter, call me "Tia" for the first time, homemade gifts, and tons of cleaning. The weekend was just what I needed. This past week was very stressful, the most stressed I've been in quite some time, and it was distrusting my sleep, my thoughts, my eating...my everything. I was not centered. My mind was full of chaos, and it was so uncomfortable. I took another position at work, one I know I will love so much. I'm now the Marketing Specialist at work. I'm pretty happy about it because I get to be creative!!! And it's still a great schedule, no weekends! But...I'll be driving for Uber this week. Austin is expensive, and if I want to move on my own, I need to have a 2nd job. Oh! And Southy By is coming up, I'll get paid to meet strangers and drive them around Austin. Don't worry, I just bought some mace today, and I...

I'm sitting at Spiderhouse Ballroom, waiting for the show to start. Alone. I came to a show, alone. I had dinner last night, and went to a movie the other day. Again, alone. I'm not the type of person to feel lonely, just because I'm alone. I quite like my own company. If I ever feel the need for any type of companionship, i give a family member or a friend a buzz.  Don't get me wrong. I love human interaction! But I so enjoy the randomness of my life. No day is ever the same. To some folks, that might be frustrating. To me, well...it's bliss.  Jacks 

This weekend was spent with family, friends, Cornelius, live music, brainstorming for a new show, a good friend called me an "artist" and a "musician",  "Friends" on Netflix, good food, and hugs from my momma. If you're like me, you're one of those "...it's the little things that count..." type of person. I appreciate the little things, that's for sure. It doesn't take much to make me happy.  Give me family, friends, cats, music, movies, and cameras any day. Life really isn't all that complicated, nor does it have to be.  Jacks

Alrighty folks, I have a confession to make. I drank wine on New Year's Eve. There, I said it. I did it on purpose, too. I made the conscious decision to partake in New Year's festivities. After going 66 days without alcohol too! Do I feel bad about it? No.  The whole reason for my quitting drinking is because I was on a slippery slope. Getting drunk was too easy and too fun. I became an alcoholic. Good friends that know me very well say that I'm not. If I'm not, then I'm well on my way towards becoming one. I went 2 whole months, and then some, without alcohol passing my lips. And it felt great! But I drank some wine on New Years...not a lot, just enough.  The first sip of wine passed my lips and I immediately tasted the alcohol. I was worried that I would cave in completely, having missed the taste of alcohol so much. But to my amazement and surprise, it didn't taste like I remembered it. I drank a Moscato...something easy for me since its been so long....