Austin and Everything After

My dreams have been more vivid, and they are in color. I won't bore you with all the details, but know this: It's amazing where the mind goes once inspiration hits. Things and ideas you didn't even know were a part of you come to life. And in dreams, anything is possible. Dreams always begin in medias res, almost no one can remember the beginning of dreams. Think of Christopher Nolan's Inception. When dreaming, do you ever remember how you got there? You just...happen. In this chance happening, everything comes to life. For the longest time, I have felt writer's block. But I find myself inspired once again. It may have been Cornelius, it may have been a fellow artist, or it may have been family. Who ever really knows where true inspiration comes from? But once it hits...bam! Like open floodgates, ideas just keep flowing. And right now, it won't stop. I feel as though if my mind and soul were not anchored to my body, they would float away.  Whatever the in...

Its no secret I'm a fan of science fiction. Give me space, time travel, aliens, and robots any day. If I'm in a science fiction binge, that binge will often times transcend into my dreams. Last night was no different. I dreamt of the past, I dreamt of the future, but the present encompassed both past and future. Every version of myself that has ever walked the earth was there. And so were you.  I'm trying to remember all the details, but they are slipping. I hope to dream this dream again. Perhaps my unconscious mind is trying to tell me something?  We shall see. Jacks. 

Captain's Log. Day 28 of no alcohol.  Last night I went to a birthday party. I was worried since there would be alcohol at said party. Old Jackie would rejoice at friends getting together and having a great time drinking. Sober Jackie doesn't want the guaranteed hangovers that are sure to follow after a great time. But I'm very happy I went. I saw my good friend there, hadn't seen that dude in quite some time. You know, the type of friends where months can go by, but it's ok because you've been friends for years, and no matter what, you'll be friends for life. Time and distance mean nothing. Anyhoo, of course I was offered a drink, but I politely declined. I let everyone know what was going on, my whole purpose for not drinking. And I'm so happy with the response. Every single person in my life has been so supportive. So incredibly supportive. I was worried about peer pressure. Instead I got nothing but understanding. Felt neat to say the least.  This mo...

Captain's Log. Day "I forgot but whatever day it is since Oct 26th since I've last had alcohol". I don't mind keeping this up. Anyhoo, that's not what this post is about. I just like to write Captain's Log. There seems to be, for me at least, a sense of wonder. My mind travels far when it's left to wander. Somewhere, everywhere, and nowhere, it seems. I often ponder the meaning of life. And nope! Douglas Adams got it wrong when he included it in, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". It's NOT 42.  Sometimes I think there are no accidents. Sometimes I think life is full of complete and wonderful accidents. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm right where I need to be. There are some folks in my life  I wish I met long before I actually did. How would they affect my life now? It's curious, to say the least. Meeting people is a curiosity too. You never quite know the impact a stranger can have on your life.  Then there are those who you m...

Captain's Log: Day 19 with no alcohol and no Dr. Pepper. I don't know about y'all, but this is a big deal for me. In a progressive city where alcohol flows freely, Brunch with mimosas is a major Sunday event, and live music every night is the equivalent to a good time, its easy to get caught up in the party lifestyle. I can't even remember what my moment of clarity was, but I woke up one morning and decided "I want to try something different." This is by no means a resolution to quit drinking forever. It's more like a "quit drinking for now" phase. And its surprisingly easy. If anything, I miss Dr. Pepper. Sweet, sweet, nectar of the Gods Dr. Pepper. I'm still down for live music and hanging out. But I don't want to fight hangovers anymore. Yuck. No more eating breakfast tacos and drinking Dr. Pepper at a restaurant with sunglasses on. Not very glamorous. But hey, its time to be honest with myself. Partying has a shelf life. Do I stil...

You know, I'm on Day 15 of No Alcohol November (and no fast food , Dr. Pepper, or Coffee), and I feel like a million bucks. I had every intention to stop drinking and indulging on bad choices for a month, but I'm so loving how my body feels. Now I want to see how long I can go without these earthly pleasures. I had a moment of clarity, I suppose that's the right term. And in that moment of clarity, I thought of all the pros and cons of my drinking habits. Let me preface this by saying, no--I'm not an alcoholic. I just so happen to live in a city where there is always something to do every single day. And those "something to do's" almost always involve getting a drink. It may be one or a few here or there. Or I may not drink at all. The point is, its VERY EASY to drink every day here.  Since I've stopped drinking, I've worked out more, spent more time on myself, spent more time with friends, spent more time on work, spent more time with Cornelius...

Today's run at Towne Lake was wonderful. Parking was a bummer. The combination of festivals and the influx of folks moving here make the race for a parking spot so tedious. But it's so worth it. I'm a huge fan of the outdoors, so running and hiking make me happy. Nature is just so gorgeous. Anyhoo, there's these two swans that live on the lake, they're such assholes! Every time I see them they are bullying the other ducks around them. And I'm no fan of bullies. I feel bad for the ducklings, all they want is food. But noooo. Greedy ass birds. Ah well, such is life, yes? This post is not a major life epiphany or a long one. Although I must say, 14 days of no alcohol, coffee, or Dr. Pepper has got me feeling great. I usually just do this for a month, but now I want to see how far I take it! Dun dun dun...stay tuned folks! Jacks

Well dang. 10 whole days without alcohol and I feel like a new person. I even turned down free Lonestar last night....FREE LONESTAR! Let that sink in a moment. I'm not giving up drinking permanently, this is just something I do once a year for about a month. I focus more on my health, my head clears, priorities in life come into place, etc. etc. I even do this with 420. (come on, no surprise there, and no shame, either.) I do this for no one but myself. There is this one person in my life (her name will remain anonymous), who brought to my attention: "Jackie, you are so pretty, can you imagine how much more beautiful you'd be if you didn't drink?" Of course, the joker that I am replied, "Did you just call me pretty?" I tried to make light of the situation. This person drinks about 2 times a year, if at that. Owns a home, a mother, a wife, etc. That is not the life I live. I am not a mother, or a wife. Obviously if I WAS married, it would be with someon...

If you are reading this, I'm assuming you and I have spent some time together, somewhere down the line. And in that time together, I'm hoping I was able to show you my humorous side. I joke around---a lot. I'm terrible at telling jokes, I always get the punch line wrong. I'm like Marlin in "Finding Nemo". I'm a clownfish who isn't funny. But...boy do I love my sarcastic one-liners. And I love it when I get sarcasm back in return. It's said that one who understands sarcasm and wit has a sharp mind. And there's nothing sexier than intelligence and humor.  That being said, I felt like coming out of my shell today. I have this thing about masks. It's weird, I know, and it's so hard to explain. Whenever I wear a mask, it's like I'm a different person, someone stronger, someone bolder, someone who is not afraid to take risks. And bottom line, I'm so fascinated by them. I didn't buy this for Halloween, I already had it. I have ...

Watched Casablanca  again today.  Can you imagine if folks today spoke like the characters did in Casablanca?  How incredible would that be?  I've always wanted to say... "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into mine." Instead of he,  I'm gonna say you,  and I'll say it to someone! That's it, I'm gonna do it! I almost always back down from doing outrageous things. I've never been the first to approach or make the first move.  I don't know, I suppose it's the fear of rejection. Anyhoo, next time I go out on the town, and I spot someone cute walk by, I'll say that line, see what happens. Chances are I'll get the "huh?" Face, and that's ok. It's still funny!  I know it doesn't sound risqué or outrageous, but it certainly is my idea of fun. I'm going to a show Friday, I'll  do it there.  I suppose any cinephile is looking for her modern day Bogart. 

I went hiking at the Greenbelt with a dear friend of mine today. After waking up and realizing that I wanted to be productive today, I made my way over to the trail. The Greenbelt is huge! My entrance of choice is right where 360 meets Mopac. And it was just the right kind of weather for a day outdoors. We hiked, and we hiked, and we hiked some more. Austin is beautiful this time of year. I'm not big into hunting or fishing, but I love nature. There is this one spot I like to go to, and I was lucky enough to find it today. Sometimes I like to take my shoes off and wade in the water (no surprise there, I only wear shoes when I have to). I happened upon a tiny waterfall. It wasn't anything huge or spectacular, but it made me think. The world is so big and life can be so hectic, but in that moment, when the water rushed over the rocks and ledges, I felt a sense of serenity. Nothing mattered. It was as if I was in a different world, a world free from migraines and stress. A world w...